Hit And Run - 34B.
This wasn’t awful but it wasn’t very good. So why the B? I laughed a few times.
Dax Shepard and Forgetting Sarah Marshall are a happy couple. He’s in the witness protection program. She gets offered a job in another state but he can’t leave. He decides to anyway. Her jealous ex gets in touch with the guys (one of them is a dreadlocked Bradley Cooper) that Dax ratted out. Stuff happens. Tom Arnold was pretty funny.
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Poltergeist II: The Other Side - 34B.
Day 8 of my 31 nights of horror movies.
Ok. First of all, I don’t understand what’s PC for Indian, Native American or Thunderheart extra.
Second of all, does anyone ever wonder about auditions or casting calls? Take this short, fat, hobbit like mutant in these movies. The casting would have called for that. So is it weird to look at yourself and think “hmmm, I am a short, fat troll like creature with an obnoxious voice?”
Who am I to talk shit? If they were casting a role for male in his 30’s that looks like a 15 year old pregnant lesbian skeleton I would be all in.
Third of all, I’m pretty sure they electrocuted the dog.
My review: This was part one but in a different house and nowhere near as good.
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Apartment 143 - 34B.
Day 7 of my 31 nights of horror movies.
I read a review of this earlier and it said this movie lost a star because of the last 3 seconds. So I was not looking forward to that.
This was just a different version of Paranormal Activity. Ghost hunter types are investigating the apartment of a widowed father and his two daughters. Some freaky shit is going on. Cameras are set up. Blah blah blah.
There were some ok parts. There were some awful parts. And yes, the last 3 seconds are awful.
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Act Of Valor - 34B.
The action scenes were pretty great. I thought the rest was pretty dull. I think what these guys do in real life is awesome. And I know that the guys in the movie are the guys that do it in real life.
I just thought when something bad ass wasn’t happening it wasn’t very interesting.
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Shut Up Little Man! - 34B.
This started off interesting enough. But after a half hour of listening to the screaming I started to get annoyed with it.
1987. Two dudes graduate college and move to San Francisco. They get a shitty apartment. One night one of the guy hears screaming from next door. The next night he hears it again. It’s two drunk dudes yelling at eachother and this goes on every day. One of the guys goes over to ask them to be quiet and is threatened with murder. They decide to start taping the conversations for their own entertainment. They start making tapes and giving them to friends and as they say in Wayne’s World “and they tell 2 friends, and they tell 2 friends.”
Fast forward 20 years later and these tapes are a hit. There’s a play based on them, songs, a comic, etc. Now these 2 guys want to copyright it but this is where it gets complicated because they never had any consent to record them in the first place.
As I said, it was interesting enough. But after hearing the guy scream Shut Up Little Man!! for the 25th time it got old. We get it. That’s the title. Also, the re-enactment stuff was just lame and kind of weird.
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V/H/S - 34B.
What a tremendous letdown this movie was. The trailer looked amazing. Terrifying even. I was so excited for it. And it just wasn’t good. Overall, it just wasn’t that good. It was an anthology. Movies within a movie. Like Creepshow. But bad. So I’ll review each one individually. There will be A LOT of SPOILERS.
Tape 56/The Main Story - 34A.
It starts off annoying and goes on for way too long. Some dudes go around groping girls and lifting their shirts up and breaking things. One of them says he has a way to make some serious money. They go to a house to find a tape. They find a dead old dude. Blah blah blah. Once in the house it was creepy. The way it ended in the house was terrible.
Amateur Night - 34A.
Like a horror version of American Pie. Some assholes go out to fuck chicks. They’re going to tape it. These characters were so unbearable I wanted them to die. I was glad when they did.
Second Honeymoon - 34B.
This one was a little creepy and has a scary, abrupt ending. A couple is on a trip. There’s a knock on the door one night. Some girl wants a ride. They don’t give her one. That night you see someone using their video camera to tape them sleeping. Whether you like this movie or not the end will probably make you jump or at least say “what the fuck?!”.
Tuesday The 17th - 34A.
By far the worst of the bunch. It’s a kind of twist on a deliberate shitty Jason Voorhees rip off. The killer in this one can only be seen through a video camera though. Yeah.
The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger - 34B.
By far the most confusing of the bunch. The only reason I understood it is because I watched the credits to see who the two huge titted girls on webcam were so I could add them on facebook. Fantastic bodies. Seriously. As for the plot I’ll give you my initial impression. I had no idea. I thought it was about some doctor doing abortions on girls who get banged by ghosts. If you saw the trailer this is the one with the webcam. And the girl telling her boyfriend she thinks her apartment is haunted. It is. Is it? No. It isn’t. It’s confusing but it’s worth it just to see these two girls take their shirts off.
10/31/98 - 34C.
My favorite. A group of friends go to a fake haunted house for a party. They go to the wrong house. It’s sort of really haunted. And there is some kind of exorcism type thing going on. Shit gets real.
Tower Heist - 34B.
I’m slightly disgusted with myself but some of this was very funny.
I never had any desire to watch it. The commercial for it used to make me feel sick. Precious asking Eddie Murphy if he’s married. No I ain’t married, wassup? Really made me want to blow my fucking head off.
I feel crappy today though so I thought I would watch a shitty movie. I don’t know if that makes sense but it made sense in my head. And to my surprise it was funny. Not the overall movie in general but the dialogue was great. Some of the things that were said by Matthew Broderick, Michael Pena, Casey Affleck and Eddie Murphy was really funny.
I know it’s hard to believe because this movie looks so unbelievably awful but I can pretty much guarantee that you will laugh a few times if you give this movie a try.
I really, really, really hate Precious though. A lot.
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Fireflies In The Garden - 34B.
I remember hearing about this movie a long time ago. I found it on Starz on Demand in the early premieres section which is weird because it came out in 2007. Maybe it was never really released. I don’t know. I don’t really care.
Pretty good cast. Pretty dull and boring movie.
The movie is about Michael Taylor (Ryan Reynolds) at two different times. As a kid dealing with his shitty father (Willem Dafoe) and as an adult dealing with his shitty father. He’s returning home to see his mom (Julia Roberts) because she’s graduating from some class. SPOILER: She dies in a car accident a few seconds before he gets home.
There’s some conflict and drama and blah blah.
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Savages - 34B.
I wanted to walk out about 3 minutes into this movie. Let me first explain something. O (Blake Lively) narrates about 1/3 of this movie. It’s beyond annoying. At about 3 minutes in there is a very aggressive sex scene between Chon (Taylor Kitsch) and her. She’s narrating.
O: Chon is always trying to fuck the war out of him. I have an orgasm. He has a wargasm.
Yep. She really said that. I guess Oliver Stone was in the bathroom when this scene was being filmed. There was another gem a few minutes later.
O: Ben is a Buddhist. Chon is a baddist.
Huh? Holy shit this movie was terrible. So why a B? I don’t know honestly. I liked a couple parts. I was cringing by the end. And it doesn’t end. I think there was maybe 4 different endings. It just keeps going.
As for the movie? It’s not really what the trailer makes it look like. I thought it was going to be an action packed, revenge type movie. Some of it was. Most of it wasn’t.
Aaron Johnson has grown up a lot since Kick-Ass. He’s all manly and stuff.
I have a headache. I got up early and went for a pretty decent bike ride but I blame this movie.
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American Reunion - 34B.
This was so awful. I thought it would be decent. I’m not sure why. As I’ve gotten older I’ve grown to hate these movies. It’s not a maturity thing. I don’t know what it is.
So why give it a B if it’s awful? 2 reasons.
- 1) Ali Cobrin’s tits. They’re great. And she really shows them off in this. A lot.
- 2) A couple scenes with Stifler. They made me laugh.
Those are the only 2 reasons that anyone should sit through this terrible movie.
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